After Seventy

Why retire to have fun
At a pastime
You’ve already done
For the last time?
I used to play chess,
But chess takes attention;
I used to read books,
But I’ve lost all retention.
I can’t drive a golf ball
Like younger folks do;
So golf’s mostly watching
The ladies play through.
Solitaire’s lonely;
Sudoku’s for nerds,
And crosswords can cause me
Some very cross words.
I can’t remember
What sex is about.
Travel’s expensive;
So’s eating out.
The wife ruled out smoking.
The doc ruled out scotch.
A walk hurts my bunion,
And biking...my crotch.
Gard’ning was fun,
Beans, carrots, peas-and-all,
But hard on the back,
Down there on your knees-and-all,
And gard’ning is seasonal.
TV is mindless.
Wheel of Fortune’s a yawn.
Fox News is spineless.
Deal or No Deal?  C’mon!
Jeopardy makes me
Feel like a dunce.
The View is five females
All talking at once.
Seinfeld?  It’s re-runs.
Will and Grace?  There’s a pair.
And Dancing with Stars?
Well, it ain’t Fred Astaire.
The Colbert Report’s funny;
John Stewart too,
But the horrors they’re mocking
Are painfully true.
The economy’s tanking;
It gives me the blues,
So I’ve pretty much given up
Watching the news.
I used to like sports:
Vikings, Timberwolves, Twins,
But you get out of sorts
When your team never wins.
“Write a pome, Dear!”
Says Wifey. “You’re an adult.
Write what’s on your mind.”
And here’s the result.
But I found an activity
I think is nice,
And it might work for you
If you take my advice.
Go sit in your comfy chair;
Face straight ahead;
Keep your eyes open;
Pretend you’re not dead;
Uncross your legs;
Try not to yawn;
Ignore the TV screen;
Do NOT turn it on.
Relax now.  Just sit there,
No TV blaring.
I like it.  It works. 
Yes, I’ve taken up staring.