Animals

Zebras
Yes, there be bras,
A, B, C, and D-bras,
But no Barbras
Or Bubbas need
Zebras

Rhinoceros
Your rhino,
Black, gray, or albino,
Lives in a thicket
One horn only
He’s uni-corny
Horn or nose
It’s just the ticket.
But don’t pick it.
(He’s a big booger)
And to fix it
Is a nasty
Rhinoplasty
If it’s out of joint
You’ll get the point

Platypus
The platypus is extreme,
The only monotreme,
But I kid ya:
Echidna.

Dingo
It’s a dopey name, but I wouldn’t scoff.
It’s a funny name, but I wouldn’t laugh.
It’s a silly name, but maybe
A dingo ate your baby.

Leopard
Spot a leopard.
He’ll stay spotted.
Connect the dots.
He can’t change
His spots.

Toucan
One can’t
Make a toucan, but
Two can.

Chimpanzee
He’s much stronger
Than a man, see,
So don’t call your chimp
A panzee.

Orangutan
Your orangutan
Is an orangey man
Like an OJ container
Or maybe John Boehner.

WILDEBEEST: A wildebeest from head to toe, I gnu it all along.

GRAYLING: a baby born with old man’s hair.

RHESUS MONKEY: a primate that eats only peanut butter cups.

WEASEL: what a miniaturist props his canvas on.

PANTHER: what a Nazi tank driver with a lisp calls his vehicle.

DOLPHIN: an appendage on a toy action figure of Aquaman.

CROCODILE: a system introduced by AT & T between rotary dialing and button dialing in which the caller hits the desired numbers with plastic footwear. It was not popular.

HYENA: a pot-smoking Ena.

EMU: a digital Mu

MOO-COW: more trustworthy than an Oink-Cow

BADGER: a naughty Goodger

KATYDID: how Katherine’s little brother answers the question, “Who did this?!”

LLAMA: what a stuttering Tibetan calls his spiritual leader.

WASP: past tense of Wisp.

GRAYLING: a baby born with old man hair.

BUTTERFLY: when the oleomargarine dish falls in your lap.

BUMBLE BEE: a gathering of stumble bums.

RATTLE SNAKE: a Roto-Rooter instrument for clearing baby toys.

DROMEDARY: a very emotional frozen custard stand.

CAPON: Bruce Wayne in costume.

SOCKEYE SALMON: what the ayatollah would like to do to Rushdie
.
OYSTER: a mensch given to exclamations of dismay.

KOALA: working with, and in no way inferior to, ALA.

OPOSSUM: adj: equally or nearly as awesome as OPE.

DRAGON FLY: when you're unzipped all the way to the ground.

VIPER: for vashing your vindshield

COCKATOO: answer to the question, “Was Cocka there also?”

QUARTER HORSE: two or more very reasonable prostitutes.

LADY BUG: the wife of Baron Bug.

MARMOSET: all eight marmos.

WHIPPOORWILL: what the marriage counselor told Will.

TYRANNOSAURUS REX: Oedipus’ non-incestuous brother.

CHINCHILLA: a chilla blooming beneath your lower lip.

PIGLET: 3.14 glet-units