DEDICATION DUEL

After three grueling years of research, interviews, and writing, Wifey has at last brought to completion the final work of her long university career.  In the same vein as her previous scholarly books, it is to be titled THE VICTIM’S VOICE IN THE SEXUAL MISCONDUCT CRISIS.  The title alone seems enough to waken feelings of abhorrence.

“I have decided to dedicate the work to you, Dear,” says Wifey.

“Really, Sweetie?   Well, isn’t that special. May I read the dedication?”

“Certainly.”

                                  DEDICATION

                         TO MY HUSBAND SLADE FOR ALL HIS SUPPORT
                                       IN SEEING THIS WORK TO FRUITION.

“Very thoughtful, Dear... but may I be honest?  I’m a little nervous at being lionized in such succinct proximity to “fruit.”

“Here we go.”

“No, but really, you know you mentioned earlier that you might make such a dedication, and I’ve been thinking how one might go and making a few sample suggestions as to how it might read. Would you like to see the sort of thing I had in mind... just as a suggestion, of course?”

“Can’t wait.”

                                          DEDICATION

TO MY BELOVED SLADE WHO SACRIFICED AN ARM, AMPUTATED ABOVE THE ELBOW, AND THE LOSS OF FEELING IN THE WHOLE LEFT SIDE OF HIS FACE ALONG WITH THE SIGHT IN THAT EYE ASSISTING ME IN THIS WORK.  IF THESE INJURIES SOUND APOCRYPHAL, THEY ARE SURELY NO MORE THAN THE MILLION LESSER CUTS, INSULTS, HUMILIATIONS, INTERRUPTIONS, INDIGNITIES, SLIGHTS, AND AFFRONTS WHICH, IN SUM, FAR SURPASS THE AFOREMENTIONED AGONIES.  MY OWN MOTHER, WHILST SHE LIVED, CALLED SLADE “THE GEM” OF THE SCHUSTER FAMILY.  LET HIM NOW BE THE “TOTAL TIARA” CROWNING THIS SCHUSTER PROJECT, AN EXPOSE OF THE DISGUSTING, RANCID BEHAVIOR OF MALE HUMAN BEINGS GENERALLY.  THANK YOU, DEAR.

“And do you really imagine this on the dedication page?” says Wifey.

“Well, dedication pages are generally empty white space, aren’t they?  Fill ‘em up, I say.”

“So.... thanks for the suggestion, but I think I’ll go with mine.”

“No problem, Sweetie. Just trying to punch it up a little.  Worth a shot.”