The Death and Organ-Failure Test

O, Cheney, Gonzales, and Rove be praised
For a torture standard so artfully phrased!
It puts all our doubts and scruples to rest.
It's the Death and Organ-Failure Test.

It's simple. It's clear. It's short and concise.
And it settles the issue. That's what's nice.
As a code of conduct, it's simply the best!
It's the Death and Organ-Failure Test.

There'll be blows to the kidneys, and bones may break.
Groin kicks are still legal... make no mistake,
For organ abuse is still part of the fun.
As long as they're functional after we're done.

Waterboarding's OK. Vicious dogs may attack;
Sleep deprivation, thumb screws, and the rack.
We're still gonna freeze you and club you and rough you,
But it's a high standard; we're not gonna snuff you.

We may stick electrodes on your toes
And pour cold water up your nose,
But we're not barbarians here in the West.
It's the Death and Organ-Failure Test.

We rewrote the song of the Inquisition,
And we think you'll like this new "rendition."
So scream along, if you're under arrest.
It's the Death and Organ-Failure Test.

And we'll fly you to wonderful Uzbekistan,
Or somewhere you'll never be heard from again.
Egypt or Kosovo might serve our purpose,
Some ally not bothered by Habeus Corpus.

George Washington and Honest Abe
Would now be proud of Abu Ghraib.
It's a code with deniability built in it;
Only the sergeants need bear any guilt in it.

The American people don't wanna know
What the CIA's up to in Guantanamo,
Although, with Cheney, they might have guessed.
It's the Death and Organ-Failure Test.

So don't let those liberals turn you soft;
Lift your cattle prods aloft!
Come to the "Mission Accomplished Fest."
It's the Death and Organ-Failure Test!