Whiskey

One day last year I drank a beer;
I normally drink whiskey.
One day a year I quake with fear;
Most days I'm very frisky.

It's true. All year I'm full of cheer;
My days are bright and sunny.
Just one day is dark and drear,
Cloudy and black... not funny.

Most all year I think that we're
A blessed, Godlike species.
One day a year I think that we're
Up to our neck in feces.

I eat fast food with little fear,
A Whopper or a Big Mac,
And use breath mints most of the year.
One day I ate a tic-tac.

I wear a backpack for my gear;
One day I wore a purse.
My friends already think it queer
I write this silly verse.

All year my students are austere,
Quiet, and close-lipped.
One day a year they stand and cheer,
The day I teach unzipped. *

Perhaps one day of doubt, my dear,
Will keep us on our toes.
Routine complacency all year
Might cause a mind to close.

It's just one dicey day a year.
You'd think I could ignore it,
And yet you may be glad to hear
I've guessed the reason for it.

If all year I'm in the clear
And just one day is risky,
It must be that g-damn beer!
I'm gonna stick to whiskey.

                    Factoid: If you teach unzipped one day
                    each semester (about my average) it means,
                    over a forty year career, you've lectured two
                    and a half months with your fly open.